Thoughts at 29…

Back in Dubai August 2, this time for what will be the longest period of time I have spent outside the states. Its October 4^th right now, and I’ve been here 63 days and it feels like home. Stay anywhere long enough and that tends to happen. I think it’s fantastic that at the moment I can say there are two distinct cities in this world I feel at home in. My home-hometown, Erie PA, has changed so much and so many people have left that I am certain that it would not feel like home if I had an extended stay there now. The majority of my family is there, yes. But I have alienated myself, in a way, from them in that I am not following the paradigm they have chosen, that being marriage, kids, family, responsibility, and the like. I have gravitated towards the world traveler, quite possibly the single-for-the-remainder-of-my-days route. And honestly, I rarely look back.

I’m 29 now, and going through the “second wave” of weddings of my friends. The first wave began at 22 and lasted through 24, and there was not one iota of doubt in my mind that that was not a train I was boarding any time soon. Now its happening again and it came out of no where. First it was one random wedding, then word reached me that a long lost friend recently tied the knot. Then almost immediately, two more wedding invites and WHAM! like a fish in the face, a full on wedding wave! My natural reaction was “am I supposed to be on this train? Is this the last one to leave the station?” Being a rather calculated soul, I started running the numbers.

My dad was about 26 when he got married, and about 30 when I was born, but its easy to argue why getting married older now a days is common, whereas getting hitched earlier was the norm for his generation. A lot of my professional peers, who are almost to the T, 3 to 7 years older than me, did the deed around 29 or 30. So there is a case to be made that possibly the time is right compared to my peers. But I have never done things based on what my peers were doing aside from perhaps listening to a little New Kids on the Block when I was prepubescent. The driving force here is what I want to do and what it takes to do it. I am only now starting to reap the benefits of staying single through the first wave, and the following 5 year low tide. I’m living outside the states, exploring the world, making decisions on the fly, with no regard to anyone else.

Selfish? Perhaps. But I do know that if I were to ratchet-strap myself down with responsibility, that one day I would regret it and that is not fair to anyone who has committed them self to me nor to anyone I might bring into the world. At very least I consider my decision to be the lesser of two evils. The only real statistic which holds any value in my mind is children. Now I’m not sure if I want them, but if I do I want be able to do as my father did with me, be spry enough to horse around with them, play ball, be an active father.

In 2003 life expectancy was at 74.8 years for Caucasian males in the United States compared to 69.7 in 1976. My fuzzy math tells me that I can have a child 5 years later in life than did my father and still be as active with them as he was me. This hypothesis then states that I can be the ripe old age of 35 and still be in the clear. Another 5 and one half years of experiencing what this world has to offer before I make my bed and lay in it.

It’s good to have a three, five and ten year goal, so let’s pencil this in as a five year goal. Maybe a good three year goal would be to find the right woman? Hopefully whoever might be a candidate might read this and decide I am not a complete kook! I also reserve the right to readjust my goals every six months or as I see fit!